Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Thanksgiving Dinner Rules

Thanks to Monica Mingo for sharing this.
Print and give a copy to each guest that enters your home.


1. Don't get in line asking  questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are  the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the  macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it?  Ask one more  question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so  you won't be able to eat anything.

2. If you can't walk or are  missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you.  Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn  pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age  of twelve, I will escort the little moochers to the basement and bring their  food down to them. They are not gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell  them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to  start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come  upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will  break a foot off in their asses!

4. There is going to be one prayer  for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that  your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got  out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for  the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is  up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be  swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

5. Finish everything on your plate  before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked  to stay your greedy ass home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!!  Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing  damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring  anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or there will be a  “misunderstanding”.

7. What you came with is what you  should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to  you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING IN AND LEAVING MY  PROPERTY!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you  can go hopping from house to house. This is NOT a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll  call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll  call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After  24 hours, I will call DSS on your ignorant ass!!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU  COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come  and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS  THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15
minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE  PER PERSON!!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family  until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the  appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a  cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family,  we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being  accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Chef with Big Heart Directs Action Every Day in Colts Dining Hall

Local chef DeWitt Jackson is thankful -- and not just at Thanksgiving.
 Jackson, executive chef for the Indianapolis Colts, said that after seven seasons with the team, he's still grateful for the Second Helpings program and resulting opportunity to serve up three meals a day to hungry NFL football players.
 "I just take care of them," Jackson said.
 It's a job that doesn't go unnoticed -- even by the front office.  Colts president Bill Polian said the team appreciates Jackson's daily efforts.  "DeWitt has served the club for years," said Polian, "and our players and staff value and appreciate his contributions."
 Taking care of the nutritional needs of elite NFL players is a long way from the dish room of a local hospital, where Jackson started his culinary career more than 15 years ago. He still marvels about where his work has taken him and hopes his experience will encourage others.
 "If it can happen for me," said Jackson, "it can happen for anybody."
 The 49-year-old Indianapolis native had always been interested in cooking -- in fact his father was a chef -- and his ambition and ability soon took him out of the dish room at Riley Hospital for Children to the position of cook's assistant and then onto the line as a grill cook.
But he was married with a family, and the position simply didn't pay enough, said Jackson, so he took a job outside the food industry.
"A job opportunity came along at Carrier," said Jackson. "I wasn't liking it very much, but it was paying the bills."
One night, Jackson recalled, he saw a TV commercial for Second Helpings, the local food rescue organization that also has a culinary training program for unemployed and underemployed adults.
"I said to my wife, 'I'm going there tomorrow,' " Jackson said. "I had a good job, but it wasn't the job I wanted."
To advance in the food industry, Jackson knew he needed training. He persuaded local chef Sam Brown, director of training at the time and a Second Helpings graduate himself, to let him into the program.
"I liked cooking, but I needed to have more confidence, to have the right foundation," Jackson said.
 Brown, who is now executive chef and director of nutritional services at Fairbanks Hospital, said he knew Jackson would succeed.  "It was apparent right from the beginning that he had the skills he needed to be successful," said Brown. "He just needed the opportunity."
 Jackson's experience offers the perfect example of what Second Helpings graduates can achieve, said Ben Shine, the organization's communications and development manager. "He's one of our big shining stars," he said.
After graduating from Second Helpings, Jackson was working at the former Adam's Mark hotel when a call came from the Colts.

Read the rest of Chef Jackson's story here.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

No Meat, No Dairy, No Problem.

Or at least that can be the case if you know what you’re doing, according to nutrition experts.

The vegan lifestyle requires people to avoid consuming animal products in their diets. That means no meat, no eggs, no cheese and no milk. For many vegans, it also means not using anything made with leather or other animal products.

With Vegan Awareness Month taking place through November, animal rights proponents and vegans around the country are campaigning on the positive aspects of a diet consisting of fruits, vegetables, beans and grains.
Health and nutrition experts say it’s certainly possible to keep a proper diet and take in all the required nutrients and vitamins to stay healthy without eating meat or dairy. Studies show that vegetarians and vegans tend to have a lower-than-average risk of obesity, heart disease, diabetes, cancer and other preventable conditions.

But it does take a little more work to keep a proper diet, especially in some specific areas.

“If someone is going to decide to be a vegan, it can’t just be taken lightly, that decision,” said Hannah Richter, a dietitian with Auburn Memorial Hospital. “One would hope they’re making it because they’re choosing a healthier lifestyle, and therefore making smart decisions about the foods they choose.”

Those two don’t inherently go hand-in-hand, Richter pointed out. Avoiding meat doesn’t necessarily mean avoiding processed and unhealthy food.

“In any eating plan, it’s important to choose and focus on whole foods,” Richter said. “You can be a vegan and still eat a lot of sugars and high-fat things that aren’t good for you.”

Read the complete story here.